The time seems to be going faster as more things seem to pile up into my backpack of life. When I look at what I need to do and what needs to be done seems to be pushed aside because something else immediately comes along. For example starting school and having a new teacher. This was the hope and dream to be a positive year at school. We are now in a special support class with great supports in place. We have a teacher who understand triggers and words like sensory overload. This is going to be a great start I really want to feel it but in my gut I am not feeling anything.
Maybe because I have a lot of other outside stress happening and it all seems like one massive fog. The phone call that I dread to get.
Do I answer or just continue to have my lunch, MMM… Yes! I answered to be told your son is up a tree and he is not being safe. I need him to come down off the tree as it is not safe and he is not listening. Phone gets put on speaker from the teachers end for me say please get down off the tree you are making a bad choice. Trampoline is a good choice. A win for that moment to then be told. Yes mum you have to come and pick your son up for his choices today.
Mind is racing, heart is hurting and feelings of anger and disappointment. It seems to be the same thing that is going to happen again for 2018. What is going on? Why is my son doing this? Why has he been trigger and not seen the signs before we have gone to red hot seat?
I have arrived at the school to go into the office to be informed by the AP he is suspended. Wow Week 5 a we are suspended. I don’t know what to think now. Have I done the right thing here? Is he in the right class? Why are we getting worse instead of improving?
All these questions are going through my head and just feeling like I am falling. Just the same as Alice in wonderland when she follows the white rabbit. OK I clearly need to do some work with my son. What do I need to do with him because I seem to be going around and around and around in circles. Am I the only parent that seems to be going through this?
I pick my son up and take him to the car, to tell him we will be painting outside on the garden edges. He seemed happier than what I thought. Then he realise this was not going to be a fun job and watching TV was a much better option. I needed to stay strong with my heels to the ground on the whole situation. No TV, No Xbox, No Ipad and No Foxtel for the whole weekend unless it is family time and we are watching something interesting like David Attenborough. It took 15 mins into the task this was not going to be a great job and this was not fun at all. I never told him it would be fun since it is brown fence paint and I am updated the garden borders around the garden beds to look fresh.
Time passes and my daughter arrives home from school, while I am sitting on the porch she looks at the progress of the area we are painting. Wanting to eagerly join in on the fun activity, 5 mins into the painting she totally gives up to go in side. I guess this was going to just have to wait till I have support from my husband. Hopefully over the weekend this task might be done.
We have come to the weekend and we still have no TV, no Foxtell, No Ipads or Xbox. My daughter has gone to Newcastle and I am looking after my girlfriends son.
My Son and her son get on well as long as it does not involve Xbox or another gaming device. What are we going to do? Five things to do that doesn’t involve screens.
We end up going over to the skate park for a play. to discover there are not many people around. This is a great way to teach some social skills that will help with this suspension. Some young boys came over to join the skate park with their scooters. The boys knew who they were and actual came off the park for them to play. The boys felt they need to give them space. One of the lads were really nice and invited them to come back on. These boys knew some great tricks and were encourage to try some of them. I thought that was really lovely because these two boys are not very great at social settings at the best of times and to be asked to join I thought was a very special moment for them and me. These little moment become a very positive social outing. No fighting no name calling no hitting or even getting hurt from the skate jumps. (So very technical when it comes to the skate park) I did though learnt about a young man name Ryan Williams. I must look into this more.
I took the boys for some lunch and then they decided to go down to the beach. Not expecting them to jump into the water they ended up having a great time and enjoying each other company.
The reason why I have said this they didn’t have meltdowns, they didn’t swear or push. I tried to keep them as busy to not feel board but also to try work out triggers that could be happening in a social setting. This social setting also was something they both like doing. MMM a key point there something they both like doing!
I starting thinking why does my son not like school?
I know he is very behind in his reading and spelling. He likes maths but still needs to be basic, He really wants to learn. I totally see he has lost the will to learn which then he tells me how much he hates going to school. I have to look at what is triggering him on certain days and why it seems to be every friday we are having problems.
More thought and research onto this. More time needed less distraction from my children and husband.
Monday comes with getting our daughter ready for school, wanting to let my son have a little sleep in even if he is suspended I think he needs as much sleep as possible when he is a horrible sleeper. My daughter decides to catch the bus this is something we also have struggles with but that is for another time. It really helped us out catching the bus because my husband and I could get our son up and start looking at cleaning out the garage and painting you know what those garden beds.
Guess what it took a whole 2 mins for our son to go nup not doing it. Then he came into the garage and looked at the mess and again was not going to help.
Am I not giving him simple direction? Well painting is pretty simple and we are just asking for one section to be done. We are also helping doing the other sections. Is it motivation that he needs? Do I need to put the timer on for a certain point will this help the situation? All these strategies to try and help our son. He was not listening to anything we were saying or doing.
We tried talking to him about keeping focus on the task. We talked about how we were not good at something and we had to teach ourselves otherwise no one would have helped us.
Our son told us how good we are in Swimming, Fishing and learning to read. Both my husband and I told him they took a lot of practice. While other children were playing and hanging out together my husband was practicing his fishing skills. Especially casting which he is still the junior champion for state I think for casting. We were telling him life doesn’t come easy we have to work hard if we want something done.
We had to go to an appointment that afternoon and I knew in my heart it was going to be a struggle and I knew that we were not going to get very far because he didn’t want to be there. We wasted a whole hour of the speech therapist time because he didn’t want to be there he didn’t want it to be a chore. This is how he felt like a chore that never stops. So now we are having a little break from the Speechy and focus on some other behavioural targets.
The big return to school.
9am and my son and I are heading to his classroom to learn great things and help transition back to class. Feelings are very emotional for both of us, I am thinking how am I going to get through this day. What if he just plays up so much that he can’t come to school. What if they say he needs to have only half days. All these things run in my head. Then I have to think keep it together for my son and me.
Well I can say I did survived the morning with very little mishaps. My son read his book well looked at the pictures and then we did some drawing. Learning to draw our face. I realised then that I am still not a great drawer and my anxiety came rolling in over the actually drawing of my face. I needed to make sure that I didn’t let my son know that I was feeling this way. When he started his, I thought he was making a great start and then CRASH! He didn’t like what he saw and started to get very upset about it. He is a little bit of a perfectionist when it comes down and using his drawings. The teacher was amazing and said to him that he was happy to give him a new sheet to draw on. Second attempt much better and we learnt how the butterflies in our belly can cause us to feel de-stressed and angry.
I can only hope this will stay in the memory bank for next time. Though my son’s memory is extraordinary for this subjects he likes but not for the ones that do not interest him. This is where I feel as a mum I need to find subjects that will co inside with his interest to help him learn. Very challenging!
Now on the mission to help with learning and engaging the child within.
I have asked some close friends about some programs they have looked into and I have seen mixed reviews. It is interesting when you see the media get involved and they shred the program to pieces in a positive and a negative way. Then I look out our education system that has been running for a hundred years or so and have they change the way to accommodate for different learning types or are they just looking at the ones that will make it through the whole school career.
Next mission find what will work for my son…..