We are in November and I feel I could do this year all over again but totally different. I can not believe we are near the end of the year and it feels like I have only started the year a month ago.
This year has been very tough on my son and us as a family. Particularly with his behaviours and outbursts. Going places and doing activities within the family has challenged my patience and boundaries have been pushed.
I do not condone violence in any way, nor do I think verbal abuse or emotional abuse is acceptable either. Aspies try to regulate their emotions but instead they action what they are feeling by screaming, making noise, hitting, punching, and even saying words which can not be taken back because they listen to their mind in turn actions their words thinking they are being honest. Unfortunately, my son has become physical and strong. He doesn’t know when to stop and he has hurt some people, this has given me a lot of anguish over the year. It has put a lot of tension in the family, decisions that I totally do not agree with.
So far this year we have been suspended from school because of the violent action my son has made. We have been trying with a behavioural therapist, Counselling for many years. Speech and OT. We still have these outburst that can be really intense over a 2 hour period. Something I do not wish for anyone else to go through. But it happens! there are other families that go through the same situation as what my husband and I do. They might be silent about this, I feel educating more people will help with preventing these situations from happening and also the silence families go through every day.
(This is my son waiting for a plane to catch. He just loves hanging with me.)
We were very fortunate to come across a Doctor that looked at the brain wave in children. This would indicate how much focus and attention the child might have. My son was able to participate in this testing called EEG. We travelled down to Newcastle for three sessions to meet the doctor, to do the EEG and then see for the results. I was so impressed by this Dr. and how he listened to what was happening for us in our home and school life.
The Dr. took my son off his medications and kept him on an antidepressant which he increased the dose. Within two weeks off his other medications, I was seeing my son. The son I knew a few years ago that I was missing because of the medications the other Dr. had put him on. He wasn’t punching walls and trying to put holes in them. He was thinking about what I was saying and giving his answer with a very rational mind. This whole time I was thinking is this too good to be true. Well, it was too good to be true because he was suspended again. At this point, I just was in major shocked why? We have sought new eyes, We have put things in place thank you to the NDIS. There was a fresh start with the councillor therapy. Though the councillor he had seen before we had him off the medications, then she saw him with the results without the medications.
I felt so deflated and sorry for myself. It was really getting to the point there was no positive lifestyle in the family nor did I want to be positive. It was really not worth it. let a lot what more can go wrong with my son.
Yep, he was in trouble again Term 4 and we were suspended. I really want to talk more about this suspension than any other. We were going really well with routine. I had carers coming in to keep the routine the same as well as letting my son have a good sleep so he was not up at 5am to be at school by 6am, for me to work at 6:30am. This really shows that a good routine and him sleeping in til 7:30am made a difference. But this day was not a normal day. I had to start work really early and the carer had arrived at the house. Before I left to go to work another carer turned up and said I am rostered on this day. News to me really, but I said you can say because you have travelled far and it might be good to have two people for the morning. That decision was really wrong! not just did it upset my sons routine. he also becomes hyperactive and was heighten before going to school. The other carer was trying to keep him calm instead the routine went out the window.
This was not a great start to the day, the carer that turned up for the wrong shift. Instead of saying one of you have to go, I thought that it would be fine having the two carers there for the morning.
The whole routine was upside down and especially my son was bouncing off the walls instead of being calm. The main carer took the children to school and making sure the teachers knew that my son was out of sorts was a very important to communicate this for keeping my son safe. From what I heard the front staff didn’t tell the teachers the information so they were not prepared for my son and his behaviour.
My son’s teacher was able to calm him down he had a good morning. Unfortunately, my son’s teacher had the afternoon session off so my son was in care with another teacher.
This is where I am very confused by the story I have been told let alone when I was told. I was told that my son was kicked by a child. My son did not react to this.
Then apparently the child started telling my son he was not able to do something eg catch a ball. My son didn’t react to this.
Then the same child threw dirt into his face which then my son went on to attack the child. I do not tolerate my son hurting another child nor do I want my child hurting another child. This gives me great anguish when I hear my son hurting a child especially a female. Yes, my son hurt a female and apparently he was very violent because he was so upset from having dirt thrown in his face.
No one saw this child doing anything to my son except one child that was never asked about any incident. My son was in care with a teachers aid at the time of the incident.
The next day after the incident, I was not told about his suspension until I was leaving for work and the carer rang me to let me know what had happened. Not once did the school call me in the afternoon nor of the morning before school started just so I could prepare my day.
I organised for me to start work later so I could look after my son until someone could take over the care. Then I would go to work and finish my shift.
Suspending a child like my son is not the answer because he thinks he can get away with not going to school if he is naughty. There seems to be the case for the year. My understanding about the other child. There was no follow up on the actions of the other child, they felt she had enough of what my son had done. This does not sit well with my son because three separate incidents before he cracked there was no one to see this escalation to prevent the situation getting to this point.
We had worked so hard to get him to the point of positive behaviour and basically it becomes undone because of a simple shift in routine and care.
Wanting to fight the system and feel so frustrated because there is suppose to be a behavioural plan in place to prevent these situations from happening. I just didn’t know what to say and my emotions got the better of me. I let my emotions talk instead of using my head. Knowing what I said I could not take back nor did an I feel I wanted to take it back.
My son has returned back to school and we have had a week of positive and again he did it again. I do know understand what is actually going on in his head to get to this point.
Then I was privileged to see professor Tony Attwood at a parents conference in Port Macquarie. It was very informative and insightful for me as a parent. There were a lot of parents and professionals in the room. I hope they were able to get as much as what I heard from Professor Tony. Ps, I would look at Australian story if you haven’t already.
Professor Attwood was talking about emotions and behaviours. He was talking about my son. It was like he knew what my son had been up to. I would have liked to ask him a question but no time for that as he went over on his talk. I would like to write him to see what he thinks and any ideas.
This still didn’t help in the way I need for my son, I have got to the point I do not know how to help him. Even with saying we need to go back to the start with his diet and start all over again. Things might have changed that doesn’t help with his gut. I need to go back to fedup.com.
I am not sure what we will end up doing and what is going to work for us. We are so different. I don’t want to change my son but I also want what is best to help with his emotions and impulsive moments.
I see a beautiful little man who is talented in drawing. He tells me he loves me every day and he gives me the most amazing hugs. Then there is the side I do not like seeing and that becomes upsetting because I just would like to help him, alot of the time he has to ride out the meltdown or emotion.
(My son’s drawing for his school art gallery. The class was doing Zombi theme.)