Fight or Flight

Challenges of home life.

I have been wanting to write for about a week and a half,  unfortunately between sorting out my mother and her issue, sorting out Suspensions, teacher going away for emergency at home and working full-time really can take its toll.

It is hard to work out where to start and what to actually say when there has been so many events and encounters to talk about.

I would have to say for the last few weeks our family have been more in fight  flight mode than I we have been for sometime.

Definition from dictionary.com

fight-or-flight reaction

noun, Physiology, Psychology.

1.

the response of the sympathetic nervous system to a stressful event,preparing the body to fight or flee, associated with the adrenal secretion  of epinephrine and characterized by increased heart rate,increased blood flow to the brain and muscles, raised sugar levels,sweaty palms and soles, dilated pupils, and erect hairs.
Also called fight-or-flight response.
Between Jensen screaming at Charlotte and Charlotte screaming at Jensen then Charlotte screaming at Andrew and Andrew screaming at Jensen. Then I come in and say stop shouting quietly hoping they will stop at some point. Wondering why they are shouting when all I would like is a little voice in the house.
This can happen very frequently in my house and it can be very draining.  There are days I would rather say in bed than face the situation that is happening outside my bedroom.
Even today when the kids woke up way too early. They  were bouncing off the walls before I could even say good morning.
I knew that I was going to be in for a roller coaster  of a day.
It was very challenging with Jensen being really aggressive towards Charlotte and myself. I manage to lock him out of the house for a little while just for him to calm down and think about what he was saying especially his actions. I really did not know what to do because I had spoken with him calmly.  I said that he needed to calm down, eventually he calmed down.  I knew I could let him back in the house without him destroying the house or hurting himself or others.
 Charlotte is very aware of the triggers and I did say you need to stay away. For some reason this was not good enough and she set him off again for another round. This time I was able to get on top of it before it took control.
The biggest worry I have are my neighbours and what they think. It is really easy to judge when people don’t live the life of busy mayhem and crazy moments.
Normally I am very patient and try to distract Jensen from focusing on the one situation. Sometimes as a parent we are trying to deal with our energy level and our emotions. Sleep deprivation is not my friend and I don’t think many people can live on a small amount of sleep. I know I need at least 8-10 hours solid sleep to function in the day.
With my type of work I could probably have between 1 hour to 5 hours sleep if called out and on a normally shift it ranges from 6-10 hours depending on the weather, how I go to sleep and what happens throughout the night.
When I have a restless night like I did the night before getting out of bed is so much harder. I am sure people can relate to this as parents. When I was in my 20s I could have a min of 3 hours sleep from partying all night. If I do that now I am not functioning at all for a week.
 Jensen focus was totally on the Ipad. It seems that this has been a common problem for a little while now. Andrew had taken the Ipad off him weeks ago and he was not to get it back.
While I have been working long hours, Andrew’s way to cope is giving something that will keep him occupied to do daily tasks like cooking and tidying, I agree that this is a survival mode that needs to happen when you are the single parent that is maintaining the house.
I want the children to complete their Jobs and help me get all their unwanted clothes and toys in a basket so I could sort them out for our big garage sale. Both Children refused to help at all because one did it last time and  vice versa  refusal. Life can be challenging when Charlotte becomes very Oppositional defiant.
 From all the tidying I saw  I knew I needed to get into Jensen room  and give it a massive rearrangement.
Jensen did not want to be a part of it and I just started with one section of his room at a time til I manage to have three large garbage bags full of his clothes, Two baskets of toys and a lot of books that I love reading to him but ” he has grown out of them “quote from Jensen.
After many hours and cleaning out his wardrobe and bookshelves he now has a bed, a tall boy and a table to put his bed light on.  His floor is clean and his room is Minimal.
I put one book-case in his wardrobe with the most important books he wanted to keep, I cleaned out all his board games so there was a lot more space for the new ones he received for his birthday and christmas.
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Being 24 hours after the bedroom is clean, Jensen said to me this morning he slept so much better now that he has his bed under his fan and his room is clean.
Amazing!!!
Does Not mean the medication has help give him a nice sleep.
He was so much happier in the morning than I  expected. Simple things in life. We now have a clean room, and a happy child.
He behave so well this morning that I organised a special surprise. He had one of his buddies over. They really got along really well and had a great time gaming.
It become a lovely day in the house. I thought I would tackle Charlotte’s room just like I did with Jensen room. It become a little more challenging because I would pull out something and Charlotte would say I use that please don’t throw it out. I found her art box that had more wrappers from chips, chewing gum, other snacks and dry noodles than art items like pencil-case and scrapbooks.
This made so much sense why she has a mouse problem. Thank goodness Ella the cat has been keeping on top of this problem.
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Ella the cat playing at christmas time
I sorted out Charlotte’s Lego and her art box, Then I needed a break, I lost the will to continue from just having charlotte not wanting me to take any of her items to the garage sale or vinnies. I try not to think of her as my little hoarder but she just loves to collect everything including her school books from years ago. I love how she wants to keep her memories. I don’t want her not to have memories of her stories but I don’t want to keep every painting, every math quiz. I have taken photos of her art work and put in a photo folder of all her years of art. Charlotte has mentioned that I don’t want her art work because I throw it out or use it for wrapping paper.I have showed her the photos so she knows that I do care. Charlotte reminds me that isn’t the same. Trying to understand this mindset it very hard. If I have something I don’t want or I haven’t used in 12 months  it goes out for a better cause.
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Charlotte rather live in her mess and be happy than keep her room clean. This is something that all kids go through I am sure. She doesn’t like me cleaning or tidying her room. I struggle with her room being messy.  She never can find anything nor does she like sending out her dirty clothes that is a regular Saturday challenge. I know my OCD comes into play and I feel that can have an effect on how I clean her room better. It takes charlotte two days before it goes back to the mess we started with. Her wardrobe is her floor.
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I really do not  like fighting with the  kids over their rooms, over eating, over getting dress it just seems to continue  battle. I would consider this a very normal part of life. I would think other families have their little problems. When we go to battle in this house it can take up to 3 hours before we have calm. This would include broken windows, walls furniture and anything else.
Does this reflect on my parenting? I am very proactive with parenting course, and up to date with information to help cope with our challenging.
I am sitting here writing my blog on my experience and wanting to educate people on what can happen as normal day-to-day life in a Aspie world. It might sound like a normal part of parenting, When you add the meltdown, the crying for four hours, the screaming for 4 hours and the destruction of property or injuring another person.  This is what makes my life going into fight flight response.
I have learnt when I need some peace or quiet I either go into time out for a period of time or I leave to go somewhere like the movies. it doesn’t stop the behaviours.
Taking away the Ipad from Jensen and Charlotte has been a lot more peaceful in the house. Jensen is struggling over the fact we are not going to give it back and he is going to have to learn to do other things to entertain that be shut inside.
I think this will be an ongoing battle with the Ipad and any smart device. It is not healthy having such an obsession with a non realty  item. I have to remind myself why I am going on the computer why I am doing the budget why I rely on technology to get me through the day.
If you can relate to the Ipad saga have a go and trying to take it away. you might notice a different child.  Jensen has had a lot more interaction in a positive way than negative with family members that I hope this can roll on in school.
School is for another day I could write a lot of a perspective of a parent in a public school .
Signing out till next time
🙂